


Einsamkeit

by RedLikesToWrite



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anime, Fluff, Forbidden Love, Hetalia, Long, M/M, Mentioned Character Death, More tags to be added, PTSD, PostWar, Secret Relationship, Slow Burn, WW2, do people still watch Hetalia?, gerita - Freeform, hurt-comfort, i don’t know how to tag, please read it, potential smut?? Not sure yet, soft moments, this was inspired by aws but very loosely
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2020-11-28 03:23:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20959646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedLikesToWrite/pseuds/RedLikesToWrite
Summary: [UNDERGOING EDITING! THINGS MAY CHANGE!]In the wake of World War II,  A German pilot struggles to cope with the lasting effects of the war.  It's up to a kind-hearted Italian farm-boy to keep him grounded





	1. Chapter 1

**October 3rd, 1946. **

**Ardea, Italy**

The fall weather had settled over the small Italian town with gentle grace. Soft autumn leaves peppered the cobblestone streets with golds and reds, and the yearly harvest festival was in full swing throughout the streets. It was nice to see. The laughter of families and small groups of friends filled the air and was complimented perfectly by the smell of wine and fried street foods. It was peaceful and made the small town produce a warm atmosphere despite the chillier weather. On days like this, it was almost hard to believe that the war had even happened at all.

"Grazie" Ludwig thanked, stumbling slightly over the word. He was still rather clumsy with the Italian language, it seemed too lyrical for his tongue to wrap around.

The stall owner glanced at him with a disapproving expression, only grunting a bit in response to the thanks. This came as no surprise to Ludwig, he often received this sort of silent treatment. His thick German accent was hard to disguise and even after nearly a year his Italian still wasn't the best, however it was just something that he had learned to ignore. The man wordlessly handed the loaf over and took the banknotes that were offered by Ludwig's gloved hand for payment, whereupon the stall owner turned his back as soon as it was possible to do so. Ludwig tucked the warm bread against his side, it was a welcome feeling. His coat was thin and only did so much to stave off the chilled tinge of the fall air. The warmth of the baked goods spread across his side in a comforting wave. He tried to keep both hands on the thing to hopefully bring some warmth to them as well. He'd been out here for hours and now that the sun was starting to sink below the horizon the mild chill was turning colder, Ludwig was grateful that he was on his way home for the evening, soon he would be sitting with a pot of stew, a fresh loaf of bread, and a new book that he'd just started. 

Ludwig started on his path home from the market, bobbing in and out of the crowd in an attempt to avoid knocking into any of the passers-by. As the sun set, more drinks came out as the children went home and the nightly half of the harvest festival was beginning. Ludwig was more looking forward to a quiet evening at home and would put off the nightly celebrations for another day. He began to think about how nice it would feel to get off of his aching feet, 9 hours a day in a factory was draining and he was thankful to be on his way home, the pay was meager at best but he was thankful to even have a job. It was a miracle he'd landed one in the first place and so he found it hard to complain too much about the workload or the hours, not only that, but he was far from somebody afraid of hard work. It had to be done and Ludwig was going to do it. That’s just how it always had been for him, even in his younger years. 

Ludwig had been so lost in thought as he walked that he had not had time to react when the back of somebody's hand came swinging directly into his face. 

Before he even realized he'd been hit, a sharp pain spread up the bridge of his nose, he hadn't been hit hard it was just the fact that he'd been taken off guard so suddenly with a direct blow that caused him to immediately stop and put a hand to the area of impact, his eyes watered a bit in reflex to the pain and Ludwig cursed before rubbing over the area with his fingertips. Whoever had just hit him was about to get a serious lecture-- He looked up to see whoever had just smacked him, expecting it to be a drunk that hadn't been paying attention, however, he was a little surprised to see a short, brown-haired Italian man staring up at him with a look of absolute horror on his face. He was clutching his hand to his chest and he looked like he was bracing for impact. 

"Oh! Oh no, mi dispiace così tanto! Non stavo prestando attenzione ed ero così eccitato! Non ti ho visto lì, grande Uomo dall'aspetto spaventoso, per favore non colpirmi, era solo un incident!" The Italian man spoke fast and it was hard at first for him to keep up with what he was saying, the pain dulling his ability to understand the Italian language at such a fast pace, however before he could even try to get a word in, the Italian man continued "Adoro davvero davvero i pomodori, non li vedo da così tanto tempo che speravo di fare un po 'di salsa di pasta per la cena di pasta stasera, mi dispiace davvero, ti prego, non colpirmi!" 

Ludwig blinked a little, the pain slowly starting to dull into a weak throb behind his eyes, The Italian man looked like he was going to start rambling again so Ludwig held up his hand quickly to stem the flow of words, and instead responded with his own. "Io ... ehm ... e 'difficile che tu ... sotto - ti capisca" Ludwig immediately cringed as the words left his mouth, he knew that was terrible. His thick German accent butchering the words, but he just hoped that it would get the point across to the man. 

The man’s ramblings paused at Ludwig’s words, and he looked him up and down as if gauging if he was angry before he continued. " difficile..?" 

Ludwig nodded, thankful that he'd gotten the point across. "Si" 

The man looked at him again with an appraising look before Ludwig could practically see the gears turning in his head before a look of realization came over his face " Lei Parla Inglese?" He asked, and Ludwig blinked once again, was the Italian asking if he could speak English? Hesitantly, Ludwig nodded. 

"Yes...I speak English" 

The Italian man looked overjoyed even though Ludwig was the one that should have been looking so relieved. He spoke far better English than he did Italian. Thanks to his grandfather it had been a mere second language to him. The Italian man started to speak, "Ah! Well, why didn't you just say so! I am very sorry for hitting you in the face, I just got so excited about these fresh tomatoes that I couldn't help but throw my hands in the air! I do hope that you'll forgive me! I do not want to make you upset at me, You are a German right? That is why your Italian is so terrible? Are you here visiting for the festival, I've never seen you around here before, are you staying for long?"

It took Ludwig a moment to process. He'd been asked so much at once that even though it was now in English, he still found it a bit hard to comprehend what the Italian said. "Er...Yes...I am German...I apologize for my Italian and I'm not exactly new here. I just don't visit town often." Ludwig’s answer sounded like he was responding to a report, his perfunctory tone and posture only adding to the stiffness of his voice. However, the little Italian didn't seem to be troubled by it in the slightest. Ludwig felt a bit estranged, so far this is one of the only people that he'd encountered that hadn't given him the silent treatment or a rude remark of some kind. The Italian looked up at him with a grin.

"Ah! I see! I haven't met many Germans, most of the foreigners around here are American. Tell you what, as an apology for hitting you how about I treat you to a drink? I know all the best places in this part of town so I can promise that I won't make you drink something gross, and while we drink you can tell me all about Germany! I've never been out of the country before so I want to hear everything you can possibly tell me, Ok? So what do you say? will you come with me to drink?" The Italian looked up at him with a broad grin and a cheerful smile. He seemed to be rather sociable, something Ludwig was certainly not. He was still taken aback at how fast this Italian was able to cram so many words into such a short amount of breath, however, he considered the offer. He thought of the warm meal and reading that awaited him at home...he had no idea where this Italian was going to take him if he agreed, and another thing, he didn't even know this Italians name, let alone if he could be trusted. His trepidation must have shown on his face because the brightness of the Italians' smiles fell slightly but the sparkle in his brown eyes did not falter. 

"I promise it'll be fun! Just trust me." 

This Italian sure was straightforward, Ludwig cleared his throat a bit...even if he did have dinner waiting at home..at home also meant he would also be eating alone. Perhaps sharing a quick drink with a stranger wouldn't be so terrible after all. However, he would be sure to keep his guard up. Standing a little taller and looking more sure of himself, Ludwig nodded, however, he couldn't bring himself to look directly into the Italians eyes. "Yes, I do suppose a drink would be welcome." He kept tight control over his tone, careful to not let any sort of misconceptions form at the fact that he had accepted the invitation. Despite his carefulness, the Italians grin stretched to nearly ten times wider, Ludwig was surprised that it was even possible. Was this stranger really so enthused over a drink? It appeared he still had much to learn about Italians. 

"Grazie! Oh, I'm very happy, come, we must go quickly!" The Italian grabbed Ludwig’s bicep and began to tug him along the path he hadn't expected to have been grabbed so suddenly, he nearly jerked his arm away. But one look at the sparkling brown eyes and the overjoyed expression on the Italians face and he thought better of it. He'd been so long without the touch that it felt strangely pleasant, and so he let the little Italian lead him. However, Ludwig was still mildly apprehensive of this whole situation..he didn't even know this Italians name yet and he was letting himself be drug off god knows where. Had he really become so soft in only a year? Or perhaps it was the loneliness he felt that inspired this sudden trust of a stranger. He did not know, but he was in too deep now to back out.

"If I may, I don't believe we exchanged names--"

"Oh! yes! My name is Feliciano, Feliciano Vargas! It is a pleasure to meet you, Mr. German, I'm sorry for not having told you my name in the beginning, I was just worried you were going to hit me! but now that we're friends its is only right for you to know my name, What is your name, Mr. German?" He turned back to look at Ludwig, the smile still affixed to his face. 

Ludwig was starting to understand now that This Itali-- no, That Feliciano was the type to be friendly, maybe excessively so, in knowing this Ludwig decided not to question the strange ramblings. "Ludwig" He answered, "Ludwig Beilschmidt"

Feliciano nodded, "Ludwig Beilschmidt...what a fancy name," He said, a soft laugh escaping his lips, his laugh was a gentle sound. It reminded Ludwig of the bubbling of a quiet stream..it was pleasant. Not many people in Ludwig's life could be described as 'bubbly', Ludwig found himself looking away as Feliciano led them around a corner towards a small back street that wasn't as densely populated as the main road, the decrease in people made Ludwig's shoulders relax a little, his posture remaining stiff but not quite as tense as it had been, Feliciano seemed to notice this fact and it made him loosen the grip he had on Ludwig’s bicep slightly, before tugging him further along. 

"We're almost there," Feliciano reassured, "It's that building over there" He pointed out a small concession tucked away on the edge of the pathway. It was quaint and had a sense of warmth emanating from the open door, soft Italian jazz could be heard pouring into the street adding a sense of ambiance to the now darkened avenue. It didn't seem to be overly crowded, in which Ludwig was thankful for, nor did it seem like the patrons were obnoxiously drunk. Above the door was a worn sign that read "Cantina Aroma" in large, flowing cursive script, however, it was a little hard to read because the paint was worn. Feliciano beamed back at Ludwig before tugging him into the Cantina. 

Ludwig looked around, there were only about five or six people in the room, the rest seemed to have been seated outside. There was a small band in one corner of the room playing a jazz tune that Ludwig was unfamiliar with but found pleasant nonetheless, it was nice, he could see why Feliciano seemed to like it so much. 

Ludwig followed Feliciano over to the row of stools lined up against the bar where he finally released the grip he had on Ludwig’s arm in order to pull out one of the stools before climbing atop it. He smiled at Ludwig from his perch and patted the seat next to him in the invitation. Ludwig was still hesitant but he followed Feliciano's lead, sitting on the stool next to the small Italian, and resting his loaf of bread on the counter. Feliciano nodded, pleased with this. 

"Antonio!" Feliciano called, leaning over the edge of the bar slightly and waving his hand to get the attention of the man behind the counter. Ludwig wasn't surprised at the fact that he seemed to know this man. He assumed that this place was somewhere Feliciano frequented. The man behind the counter, who’s name Ludwig assumed was Antonio, turned around to face whoever had just called his name. When his eyes landed on Feliciano he grinned. 

"Feli! It is very good to see you, my friend!" Antonio dried his hands on a towel slung over his shoulder. Ludwig blinked for a moment upon seeing the man’s face...Antonio...the name sounded familiar but he couldn't quite place where he had heard it before.. yes that nagging feeling was going to bother him, however, he tried to brush it off for the time being. Antonio was nearly as perky as Feliciano was, Though, he wore a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes and had a rich Spanish accent that Ludwig had only heard a few times throughout his lifetime. Ludwig could tell that this man had seen more than his fair share, though this didn't seem to bother Feliciano who only learned to press a greeting kiss to both of Antonio's cheeks which Antonio quickly returned. 

"It seems like it has been forever since I last saw you no? How have you been Chiquito? Are things still well with Lovi and Roma?" 

Feliciano nodded enthusiastically at Antonio's inquiry as he moved to sit back in his stool. "Si! Harvest is keeping us busy this year so we haven't had much time to say hello, we're all really glad that it's turning out after what happened last month but the way things are looking it seems like it’s going to be just fine." Feliciano leaned closer to Antonio and uttered the next part of his sentence behind his hand, but he was loud enough that it was clear it really wasn't that much of a secret. "but between you and me Lovino keeps asking Grandpa if you’re ever going to come and visit us" 

This made Antonio laugh, "Well be sure to tell Mi Carino that I'll be coming by when the harvest is over, I've got some fresh tomatoes to trade for some of that wine your grandfather makes" 

"Oh, I will! He'll be very happy to hear you’re coming over soon!" Feliciano opened his mouth to continue however his gaze met Ludwig’s and he blinked as if he had just remembered that he had someone to entertain. "Oh! Right, Antonio, meet Ludwig! I accidentally hit him in the face on the street and so I offered to buy him a drink."

Antonio's gaze now slid over to Ludwig after Feliciano had gestured to him, however, Ludwig was pleasantly surprised to see that the expression didn't seem to hold anything other than polite kindness. He offered out a hand to the Spaniard and shook his hand firmly. "It is nice to meet you," Antonio said in a pleasant tone of voice "it has been a while since I and Feli have seen each other so you must forgive my lack of attention towards you just now." Ludwig only shook his head politely in response. 

"it's no problem, truly." 

The two men shared an expression of understanding before the handshake ended and Antonio turned to grab a few glasses from under the bar. 

"Alright, you said you were here for drinks yes? So what Can I get for you?" 

Ludwig glanced at the shelving of wine and other alcohol behind the bar counter, it had been a long time since he'd had good beer, it made him miss home. Spying a bottle with a familiar label his shoulders straightened a little bit. "Schlizts, please." he murmured, a little embarrassed to be ordering beer instead of wine, however, neither of the men seemed very surprised at his choice. Felicano chimed in with a wine that he didn't recognize and Antonio went about pouring their glasses. Ludwig had to try to ignore the fact that his mouth watered a little, it had been a while since he'd had time, or funds, to be able to go out and drink, and while it wouldn't be as quite as sweet than when it was paid for with his own money, he couldn't really turn down the offer. 

After Antonio passed the two glasses to the men he excused himself and went to attend a patron that had held up his glass for a refill, leaving him and Feliciano alone at the bar together. Ludwig had barely had time to take a swallow of the not-gross-but-not-great liquid when Feliciano turned to him with a cheerfully inquisitive expression, He could practically see the barrage of questions swirling in the espresso colored irises of the Italian. Begrudgingly he sat the glass back down onto the counter and turned a bit to face him more fully. Feliciano seemed to take this as a go-ahead and immediately began to speak. "Tell me about Germany?" he asked, though phrased like a question it was more of a demand, Ludwig knew that he couldn't exactly be rude when he was getting a free drink and so he thought for a moment. 

"What do you want to know?" 

"Anything," The other said, leaning forward, his face lit up in a furor before he continued "Everything, tell me what is the food like? Do you really have castles in your backyard? What sorts of places do you go to for fun? What is your family like? Do you miss them? I want to know everything" 

Ludwig was slightly taken aback by the others’ avid interest into something that seemed so trivial to him, though he guessed that Feliciano didn't often get to travel. He felt a little bashful under the other expectant stare so he shifted his eyes back to the bubbles in his beer. 

"Well...The food is good." he began, deciding to answer the Italians questions in the order they were asked. "Curry-wurst with potato dumplings is one of my favorite meals..it's a pork wurst with sauce, I ate it all the time as a child" He explained, tracing the rim of his beer glass and trying hard not to make eye contact with Feliciano, not wanting to seem any more awkward then he felt "and no, we do not have castles in our backyards, although we have plenty of castles in the countryside, I don't go out much, and my family.." He paused for a moment, a dull ache spreading through his chest that made him grasp his glass and put it to his lips to take a long swallow before sighing softly and continuing, "And... My family, I haven't seen in a long while." The words made his throat feel dry, even though he had just taken a drink. They needed to get off this topic, "What about you, you have family, yes?" 

Feliciano looked like he had been about to say some words of comfort, however, Ludwig’s redirection seemed to have been effective. Feliciano took a sip of his wine and cheerfully nodded, "Ah! yes, I do! I have my Grandpa Roma and my big brother Lovino! My grandpa Roma looks scary sometimes but he is actually very funny and kind, he takes good care of me and Lovino. My big brother though is very very grumpy. He says a lot of bad words and has trouble making friends but I know that deep down somewhere he cares for me, even if he is kind of a jerk." 

"Yes, well big brothers are often that way," Ludwig said, finally working up the nerve to glance over at Feliciano. In the dim lighting of the cantina, the Italian seemed to be his own sort of light source. It was strange, although he had never even spoken to this man before there seemed to be an odd sense of ease that was trying to wash over him. Feliciano just had this aura about him that made Ludwig want to drop his guard, however, Ludwig was no fool. He had learned enough in his life that trusting those auras could lead to bad things and so he was going to watch himself carefully. Despite his easy-going, almost ignorant first impression there was something in his eyes that suggested he wasn't as naive as he appeared to be. 

"Big brothers are important"

"Yes, yes they are"

For a moment, a tense silence settled between the two of them, Ludwig never really was the type to be good at making conversation, nor was he good at reading the mood either. In an effort to ease the strangeness of the situation, he took a swig of his drink. The more he drank of it the better it seemed to be tasting, which was a comforting thought. However, the awkward silence between them was starting to make Ludwig a little restless. Thankfully, the Italian once again piped up.

"Did you hear what they said about the Italian Chef that died?" 

That was not what Ludwig had been expecting. 

"...no?" 

"They Said he Pasta-ed away!" 

As soon as he finished Feliciano broke out into a fit of that bubbly laughter, Ludwig blinked. Had this Italian really just made a pun? Before he realized it, the awkwardness of the previous silence had melted away and Ludwig found himself beginning to chuckle. Maybe it was because the beer had loosened him or the fact that the kindness of a stranger had touched him. Either way this crazy little Italian had hit him in the face, took him out for drinks, and had just made a pasta related pun, and now he was laughing. The sheer insanity of the situation he found himself in only spurred on his laughter. Covering his lips with the back of his hand, he tried to stifle the sound, however, this was not enough to keep Feliciano from noticing the shaking of his shoulders. Before he knew it they were both laughing together over a stupid, ill-timed pasta joke. In truth, both men knew that the laughter was brought on not by the joke, but by the situation itself, they laughed regardless. 

"Feliciano, You are perhaps the strangest person I have ever met" Ludwig stated as the last of their chuckles died away, Feliciano only grinned broadly at the others' words. 

"Lots of people tell me that, but I don't mind because I like to see other people being happy!" 

His tone was still laced with humor even though he meant what he said. It was then that Ludwig understood, even if it didn't register in his conscious mind, he knew. Feliciano was unlike any person he had ever met before. He had made him laugh, which was something even close relatives struggled to do. Ludwig realized that the simple kindness of an overexcited Italian man had just turned into what seemed to be the beginnings of a friendship and for once in his life, the prospect of friendship didn't seem threatening. Maybe this could be the start of something good. 

After that silly joke, the rest of the evening went smoothly. Smoother than Ludwig could have asked for. Whenever he found himself at a loss for words, Feliciano would chime in with something completely bizarre that would lighten the mood in an instant. Together they shared the bread that Ludwig had bought earlier in the market and for the first time in a long time, Ludwig was beginning to let his guard down. Even if it was for only one night and to a total stranger, it felt fulfilling. By the end of the evening, they had both drained their glasses and it was nearly midnight. Ludwig and Feliciano both were starting to feel the tug of drowsiness, so, albeit a bit reluctantly, Ludwig said his goodbyes to Feliciano. Who in turn made Ludwig promise him that they would see each other again before they parted ways.

Ludwig walked home to his small, one-bedroom cottage on the outskirts of town. Kicking his boots off at the front door and only bothering to loosen his tie, he sank into bed. For once, there was no heavy ache in his chest, nor any tenseness in his shoulders. That night Ludwig fell asleep with warmth in his heart and an Italian on his mind. 


	2. Chapter 2

October 6th, 1946

Ardea, Italy

"Oi! Feliciano, It's time to get up you fannullone!" 

Feliciano only groaned in response to his brothers shoves, pulling the blanket up over his head with a sound of protest. He knew that this would not please Lovino in the slightest, though in the present moment, he didn't much care about his brothers temper. His body felt like lead and his eyelids refused to open, Unfortunately for Feliciano, Lovino did not care what time he had gotten to sleep, nor was he willing to take on his brothers half of the morning chores. Getting frustrated at his brothers stubbornness, Lovino cursed at him and yanked the blanket away, causing a shock wave of cold morning air to gust over Feliciano's entire body. Feliciano whined in protest, it felt like it was much too early to have to be getting up yet, the sun had barely even crested over the hill yet. 

"Fratello...."

"Get up! We have too much to do today for you to lie around like a house cat! We have to get chores done before Grandpa wakes up will have to listen to his singing, and I am not going to deal with that just because you didn't get your lazy culo out of bed, now get up or I'm going to shove my foot in your ass so hard you will taste leather!" Feliciano sighed, Lovino was always like this, grumpy and cursing even just out of bed. He knew that it would be futile to try to protest, so begrudgingly he sat up and yawned. His arms stretching high above his head, Lovino seemed satisfied enough to cease his prodding. He dropped Feliciano's blanket at the end of his bed, and Feliciano had half a mind to take it and roll himself up like a burrito to go back to sleep, but one look from Lovino stopped that from happening. 

"We are having biscottate for breakfast, it's already ready so eat it but leave some for grandpa. Also, it is your turn to feed the chickens so don't forget." After Lovino was sure that his brother wasn't just going to lay back down and go to sleep he turned on his heel and sat down to pull on his boots. Feliciano smiled knowingly, even if Lovino was grumpy, he had still made breakfast for them. 

Rubbing away the sleep from his eyes, Feliciano swung his legs over the edge of his bed and stood up, shivering a little as the cold wood paneling touched his bare feet. Feliciano was not a fan of the cold, he much preferred the warm summer months of the year when the weather was mild and warm and the wheat fields were all tall and golden. He couldn't complain much though, he was thankful that they didn't get much snow. From what he had heard of the russian winters he was very thankful that their village only got a small dusting of it. Despite the chill he didn't bother putting on pants over his undergarments. He was comfortable in his long shirt, pants could come later. Feliciano wandered out the door, dragging his feet into the hallway and immediately he had to suppress a chuckle. He could hear the rumbling snore of their grandfather in the bedroom down the hall and although this was a common sound in the early mornings here in the Vargas household, Feliciano never ceased to find the sound entertaining. 

Felciano was distracted from the humor of his Grandpa's snoring by the sweet aroma of freshly brewed coffee coming from the kitchen, and the heaviness of his feet seemed to suddenly seem like less of a burden. Making his way into the small kitchen off the living room, Feliciano eyed the plate of biscottate sitting on the counter and made his way over to it. He stacked a few biscuits onto a small plate and set about slathering them with jam. Lovino thought he was strange for eating them with jam but since antonio had shown him how good it tasted he never went without, he filled a cup with coffee from the perculator that Lovino had left on the stove to keep warm and was sure to add plenty of cream and sugar before sitting at the table to enjoy his breakfast. He closed his eyes while taking a drink of the warm liquid and instantly the chill of the early morning hours was banished from his chest. He took his time despite Lovinos earlier instance, he enjoyed watching the sun creep up over the hill to shine upon their little vineyard out in the italian countryside through the open kitchen window. The little cottage his family shared wasn't much but it was home, and that was enough. Quiet mornings like this always reminded Feliciano what a grace the small things in life were, and it was a pleasant enough thought to charge his smile for that morning. 

Upon finishing his breakfast, he placed his dishes in the sink and returned to his room to dress. Lovino must have already went to get started on his chores because he was gone by the time he returned to their shared bedroom. Feliciano was sure to dress warm, thick socks and a coat, he slid on his sturdy boots and went on his way. He walked out of the cottage, smiling and pausing for a moment to let his skin soak up the sun's first rays. He took a breath of the cool morning air and went about getting the chickens there breakfast. 

As he worked, refilling the feeder and replenishing the trough of water, He let his mind wander as he often did. As it wandered, thoughts of a tall German man with tense shoulders and strikingly blue eyes pervaded his imagination. Ludwig had been only the second German Feliciano had ever met in his life, (the first having been a rather obnoxious friend of Antonio's that he only met once before the war.) Ludwig was very different than that German had been. Ludwig was withheld, and tense, like he was always waiting for something bad to happen...even so, when Ludwig laughed it lit up a room. Feliciano wondered why he didn't laugh more often. He remembered that when Ludwig had mentioned his family it had seemed strained..like it was a bitter memory. Perhaps something bad had happened...either way Feliciano had a burning curiosity to know. He wondered distantly if they would ever see eachother again, It had been three days since he had drinks with Ludwig and even though he had made Ludwig promise him they would, they had made no plans to meet back up again. Feliciano decided that he would put that to the hand of fate, He had no real control over it now. Though he did hope he would see Ludwig again.

Brushing his hands off on his pants to rid them of the chicken feed, he said his goodbyes to the clucking hens before making his usual rounds through the small vegetable garden to gather up what produce there was to collect. They had some nice tomatoes, probably the last that these plants would be producing, Lovino would be happy. Perhaps for dinner tonight they could have bruschetta, he was sure that would make his brother happy. Feliciano started on the rest of his chores, it talking about an hour or so to complete them. 

Once he was finished, Felciano went to join Lovino out in the vineyard. Bucket in hand, he walked down the rows of grapevines to seat himself next to his brother who was busily clipping bushels of grapes and putting them in the container at his side. 

"Took you long enough to get out here," Lovino grumbled, huffily placing a cluster of fruit into his bucket. "Thought I was going to die of old age." 

Feliciano only hummed in response to his brothers complaint, "Sorry mi fratello, the garden had some vegetables to pick, and guess what? we have some more tomatoes~!" He finished the end of the sentence in a sing song sort of tone. This made Lovinos rhythmic movements pause for a moment and his eyes perk with interest, however this only lasted for a moment. 

"Good, we need them, especially after somebody forget to get them at the market on Thursday." Lovino shot an accusatory glance over at Feliciano who shrunk a little and rubbed the back of his neck. 

"I already told you I was sorry, It was just I hit That man in the face and I felt bad so-" 

Lovino cut him off "Yes yes, I know already, you got drinks with a potato-eating German bastard, you haven't shut up about him for the past three days" He rolled his eyes and continued to snip away at the vines, and Feliciano frowned. This wasn't like Lovino..sure he was irritated most of the time, but Feliciano hadn't seen him this impertinent before. It had been like this since he had told Lovino about meeting Ludwig and them getting drinks together at Antonio's cantina... was something bothering him? Was he really that upset over some forgotten tomatoes. He paused, setting his trimmers down. 

"Lovino, what's bugging you?" 

"Nothing" Lovino snapped, not taking his eyes off of the grapes he was collecting, only clipping the vines more surreptitiously.

Feliciano was not satisfied by his answer, so he pushed. "Come on Lovi, I can tell something is upsetting you, is it about the tomatoes? If your really upset about them I can go and get some tomorrow-" 

"It's nothing Feliciano, just drop it" 

"But Lovi--"

Lovino cut him off, whipping his head around to face the other. "I SAID DROP IT" 

As soon as Lovino yelled, his attention had been taken away from his task and caused him to close the garden tool down on space between his pointer finger and thumb. Lovino yelled out a curse, Immediately dropping the tool as blood began to surface from the fresh slice in his hand. Lovino continued to let out a string of curses as he quickly wrapped his hand with the edge of his shirt, and a wave of panic rose in Feliciano's stomach.

Feliciano reached out to his brother "Oh no! Here let me--"

"Don't Touch me! This is your fault to begin with! If you hadn't distracted me then this wouldn't of happened" Lovino rose to his feet, grimacing as he added pressure to the wound in an effort to to step the gush of red liquid. 

Feliciano followed Lovino to his feet, once again trying to reach out to his brother "Lovino-- Lovino I'm sorry! Please just let me help" 

"STAY AWAY FROM ME! YOU DOLORE NEL CULO" 

Feliciano's eyes began to water, he opened his mouth to speak again but he didn't get the chance.

"Boy's?! Why in the hell are you both yelling this early in the morning!?" 

Roma Vargas was standing in the doorway of the cottage, having been woken up by Lovino's yelling. His posture was still heavy with sleep. Lovino shot a poisonous glare at Feliciano before advancing towards their grandfather, still holding his bloody hand wrapped in his shirt. 

"What does it look like, I cut my hand." Lovnino snapped, making Roma raise his eyebrow. It was one thing for Lovino to be rude to Feliciano but it was something else entirely for him to act that way towards his grandfather. However, Roma was a patient man and knew Lovino well enough to let it slide for now. Roma glanced at Feliciano, who was still standing in the row with teary eyes, Roma sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. It was too early for this. 

"I swear, with you two I can't leave you alone for more than 15 minutes. Come inside, the both of you." 

Feliciano felt a sinking weight form in his stomach, not only had he caused Lovino to get hurt, he had also made his grandfather upset. He felt terrible. With his arms locked firmly around himself he made his way out of the row and followed his brother and grandpa inside, his eyes not leaving the ground. 

Roma lead the two boys to the kitchen table, sitting them both down and retrieving the bag of medical supplies from the kitchen cabinet. The tension between the two brothers was obvious, the air was so thick with it it could be cut with a knife. This was not exactly uncommon in the Vargas household, however it was not anywhere close to a pleasant feeling, Roma knew that if he wanted things to defuse, he needed to separate them for a while. To let Lovino calm down. Setting the bag of Medical supplies on the table and rifling through it, he saw a way to make this happen. 

"Feliciano, we're out of the bandages, I need you to run into town to the pharmacy to get some" 

Feliciciano looked up at him with watery expression, his hands clenched tightly in his lap. The sinking weight of shame formed a pit in his stomach as the replay of Lovino's accusation left a bitter taste in his mouth, He searched Romas eyes for a sign of anger, scared that his Grandpa blamed him as much as his brother did. However, he saw no such accusations, nor did he find any sort of frustration like he had thought. Even if Lovino was upset, his grandfather was not. The relief from this thought made Feliciano relax enough to nod and blink away the moisture from his eyes.

"Be quick about it" 

"Yes Grandpa" 

Feliciano risked a glance over at Lovino, but he wasn't looking at him. Lovino's face was red with embarrassment as he held a kitchen towel to the wound on his hand and looked straight at the ground. Deciding not to upset his brother further by trying to talk to him, Felciano wordlessly went to the door after tucking a few bank notes into his pocket to pay for the bandages. He turned back to the family, calling out a sheepish goodbye and promise to be back soon before he stepped out and closed the door behind him. He hoped that maybe grandpa would talk to Lovino and get him to open up about what had been bothering him, but he didn't hold too high of hopes. 

Sighing softly in frustration, Felciano stuffed his hands in his pockets and began his trek into town. He kept his pace brisk, not wanting to make Lovino wait for too long to make him more angry. However, as he walked he could not help but think about how upset Lovino had sounded. He hadn't heard him yell like that in a long time...he was sure his brother was not that upset over a few forgotten tomatoes. He tried to think about what could have possibly upset him, but nothing came to mind. The only thing that had changed was that he told Lovino about Ludwig and getting drinks..he told him about talking with Antonio as well but he didn't see how any of that would upset Lovino. He thought about potential causes nearly the entire 20 minute walk into town, but still came up empty. His brother was very strange, that was for sure. 

Finally, after Felciano felt like his toes were frozen solid in his boots, he approached the pharmacy. Felciano tried to be quick, like his grandpa had instructed. He walked up and down the aisle for a minute until he found the familiar label of the bandages they normally used. They tended to go through a lot of these, small accidents were common on a farm. Grabbing the box, he walked up to the counter and set it down, where the clerk quickly scanned it. 

"Good morning Felciano" The brown haired girl chirped cheerfully, "is it Lovino or Roma this time?"

Feliciano smiled charmingly despite his rather sour mood, he did not want to be rude. "It's Lovino this time..he cut his hand" She nodded, placing the bandages into a bag. Felciano faintly heart the ring of the bell that indicated that another person had entered the store but he didn't turn to see who it was, a bit to focused on hurrying home. 

"Well tell him that I say he needs to be more careful," She chuckled, "That'll be 120₤" 

Feliciano nodded and reached into his pocket to produce the money, however, in his haste to get out of the house he hadn't grabbed enough. She must have seen his pause because the women frowned a little and cast him an awkward expression. 

"Looks like I forgot the rest at home.." He sighed, this was definitely going to make Lovino even more upset at him. "Guess I'll have to run home--"

"No, here, how much do you need?" A deep voice from behind him asked, making Feliciano nearly jump out of his skin. He quickly turned around to be greeted by none other than Ludwig. Feliciano blinked in surprise. Ludwig was the last person he had expected to see here. 

"Ludwig? What are you doing here?" Feliciano had to admit that he was happy to see the other, so far his day had not been the best and so it was welcome to see his new friend, however this did not change the fact that he was curious as to why. 

Ludwig, who looked like death warmed over, only rubbed the back of his neck and glanced off to the side a little. He had dark bags under weary eyes and his posture was ridgid, like he was in pain. "medicine for headaches" he answered flatly, clearly not interested in discussing his reason for being there. He continued "Sorry about eavesdropping but..I've got some spare change, how much do you need?" 

The sight that Ludwig presented made Feliciano a little worried over him and the answer he had given had been rather vague, nonetheless Feliciano was glad to see him, and while he was tempted to decline Ludwigs offer to help him pay, he really didn't want to have to make Lovino more upset than he already was. So he quickly counted up the amount of had.

"Uh.. I need about 20₤" He said sheepishly before quickly jumping in with " But, but you really don't have to, I don't want you to feel put out" 

Ludwig only held up his hand and shook his head. "Consider it a thank you for the drinks" he dug around in his pocket of his coat before producing the change and dropping a few coins into Feliciano's palm. 

"Thank you..so so so much Ludwig!" Felciano had to stop himself from throwing his arms around the other so instead he turned to hand out the money to the women who glanced between them, mildly confused by their english dialect but happy to receive payment for the bandages anyway. She handed the bag out to Feliciano who took it quickly before he turned back to Ludwig. 

"I don't know how to repay you! I can't thank you enough!"

Ludwig only shook his head a bit as he moved up to the counter, "Truly, it is alright. No repayment necessary." 

His answers were short and tight, his eyebrows furrowed. He exchanged a slip of paper with the women who read over it and nodded before heading back behind the counter to look for whatever had been written on the paper. Felciano once again felt a burning curiosity to ask but this time he kept his mouth shut, it was clear Ludwig did not want to talk about it, so instead he thought. Even if Ludwig said that he didn't need to repay him. He couldn't just let the other pay for his things like that. Not without some form of thank you. The economy was facing a steep crash and there wasn't much extra money to go around, for Ludwig to help him like that meant alot. So Feliciano came up with an Idea. 

"I've got it! how about you come home with me and I give you a home cooked meal as a thank you? I won't be able to sleep tonight if I don't at least do this much.." 

Ludwig lifted an eyebrow and glanced over at him, contemplating the offer for a moment or two, and Feliciano tried his hardest to muster the largest puppy eyes he could to persuade the other to accept. However, as soon as he did so Ludwig looked away a little, the very tips of his ears turning pink. 

"Well...If you insist I suppose I don't have anything else to do." 

As soon as the words fell from his lips, Ludwig looked surprised at himself for his answer. However, the grin that spread like a fire over Feliciano's face stopped him from recanting the statement. 

"Excellent!" 

"Here you are sir" The woman said, coming out from the back store room and handing out a small, white, paper bag to Ludwig. "Take one pill when you're symptoms flair up and make sure not to chew it. Take it will a full glass of water and try not to lie down for at least ten minutes" 

Ludwig nodded at the instruction as he tucked the bag into the large pockets of his coat, "Yes, Thank you ma'am." 

The woman nodded and turned to begin restocking the small display shelf on the counter as Ludwig faced Feliciano. 

"Lead the way" The German said, geturing outward towards the door with his hand. To which Feliciano responded hastily, he knew he should probably forwarn Ludwig that his brother wasn't in a good mood, just to avoid any hard feelings later on...but he was so happy to be able to talk to him again that he didn't want to spoil anything with bringing up his brother. So instead, he cheerfully lead the way out the door. 

Ludwig followed him out of the pharmacy, however his attention wasn't exactly focused, that much Feliciano could tell. His eyes were glossed over and his eyebrows were drawn tightly together as he used the tips of his fingers to rub at his temples. He had said he'd been getting medicine for headaches... Feliciano began to wonder is pressuring him into coming over had been a good idea. However, Ludwig didn't seem the type to agree to something that he one-hundred percent didn't think he could handle. Even so, Feliciano made a mental note to keep the volume of his voice down as to not make it any worse for his new friend. Together, they started to walk down the cobblestone path, Feliciano taking the lead. 

Ludwig blinked slightly and stuffed his hands in his pockets as he followed Feliciano down the pathway. He looked sheepish, like he was embarrassed of something, though he couldn't imagine what Ludwig had to be embarrassed about, was it maybe about his headache? He wondered what caused them, however for the time being he was too nervous to ask, not wanting Ludwig to be upset with him for prying. So instead he slowed his pace to keep up in step and not make Ludwig feel rushed, (despite the fact that he was kind of in a rush to get home, lest Lovino chew him out.) He worried his lip between his teeth for a moment. He was a little nervous to talk. He didn't want to make Ludwigs headache any worse than it already was...but the silence between them in the near-empty Italian street was making a growing awkwardness form between them, and so he decided to speak, but he would be conscious of keeping his voice softer than he usually would have. 

"So Ludwig, do you not have work today?" He inquired, knowing that the other had mentioned a job that previous night in the cantina, and curious to know more about it. 

Ludwig's tired eyes shifted over to look at Felciano at the question, and he responded simply like he did with near every other question he'd been asked. "Yes." 

Feliciano was truly going to have to work on getting Ludwig to elaborate more. 

With a patient smile, Felciano continued. "I'm sure you mentioned it before, but remind me, where do you work at?" Felciano's memory of the tail end of that evening was fogged over by the wine he had consumed. He wasn't exactly a heavy weight. Quite the opposite in fact. It didn't take much to get his brain foggy. However, despite this Ludwig didn't seem to be upset with repeating himself. 

"The car manufacturing factory, down by the west end" Ludwig explained in a softer version of his normally firm voice, Feliciano nodded. Most places were closed on Sundays around here, only places like the pharmacy, the hospital, and bars were open, mainly because of the catholic influence. However, Feliciano, nor his grandfather or brother believed in such things, so they still had to work on sundays. During harvest periods especially. 

"I see, well I'm glad, I was worried that I wouldn't see you again" 

Feliciano's words made the German take pause for a moment, he regarded Felciano in a curious manner. "Really? Why is that?" he asked, clearly with lack of understanding as to why, Of all people, Feliciano wanted to see him specifically. The answer was simple enough and Feliciano had to stifle a small laugh at the question. 

"Well of course I would be worried! Your my friend after all, Of course I would want to see my friend again." 

"Friends..?" Ludwig glanced at him, doubt in his expression. "But we hardly know each other" 

Feliciano only laughed, "Well why else do you become friends with someone if not to get to know them better?

Again, Ludwig paused, he always seemed surprised around Felciano, it made him wonder if that was just how Ludwig responded to things or if Felciano was truly just that surprising. A look of contemplation crossed over Ludwigs features as if he was shuffling through files in his mind and trying to find somewhere for this new information to fit, before slowly he nodded. 

"Well yes, I suppose that is true"

Feliciano's head bobbed in acknowledgment of Ludwigs words before he continued on speaking. "And I want to get to know you more! It feels like the last time we spoke we only really talked about me, it's your turn" Distantly he wondered if "friends "meant something else in Germany, but in the end he decided it didn't matter. He was going to show Ludwig what Friendship meant in Italy. 

In response to his question, Ludwig looked a little bit uncomfortable, and not just from the throbbing in the base of his skull. Sighing, he shrugged slightly. "Feliciano..Honestly there just isn't much to know about me.." Ludwig seemed as if their had been more to the sentence but he cut himself off. This made Felciano's cheeks puffed slightly, unsatisfied by the answer. He knew that their was more to Ludwig than what was at first glance...he only had to find a way to get him to open up. 

The rest of the trek home progressed quickly, and before the pair knew it they were walking up to the small farmhouse, the sound of loud curses filtered out through the shut door and it was then that Feliciano remembered that he should probably warn Ludwig now of his brothers foul mood. Sheepishly, he glanced up at the taller man.

"That cursing is my brother..he cut his hand and so he is a bit...cranky...so I'm sorry in advance if he says anything rude to you." 

Ludwig, who had heard worse language from his own brother, was rather unphased by the warning. Though to put Feliciano at ease, he nodded. "I won't" 

Feliciano nodded and turned on his heel and opened the heavy oak door. 

"I'm home!" He called, stepping into the small cottage. Immediately relieved at the warmth that swept over his face to warm his cold nose and ears, he reveled in it for only a moment before he stepped further inside, holding the door open for Ludwig to follow behind him.

"Took you long enough Bastard! Get in here!" The sharp voice of his brother called from the kitchen followed by a sharp intake of pain-filled breath. 

Feliciano cast an apologetic expression at Ludwig before the two men entered the kitchen. The sight was quite an interesting first impression, that was for sure. Lovino was sitting at the table with Roma across from him. Their grandfather had Lovino's hand in his own and was carefully sewing stitches to the wound. Time on the battlefield and on the farm gave him decent enough experience to be able to take care of smaller wounds like this. Lovino was red in the face with watery eyes glued to his grandfather's work on his hand. He had a white knuckle grip on the edge of the table with his good hand, swearing every time his grandfather adjusted the angle.. Understandable of course, however as a first impression Ludwig didn't know exactly what to make of the whole situation. 

"Bring the bandages here boy" Roma instructed without looking up from where he was trimming off the excess nylon thread from the last stitch in Lovnio's hand. Felciano hurriedly placed the box on the table and opened it to retrieve the gauzey wrappings from inside. Trimming off enough to wrap enough around the wound. Carefully, he passed it to his grandfather. Who placed a cotton pad over the afflicted area and wrapped the hand with the speed and precision that suggested this was not something uncommon. It was only after the wrappings were in place that Lovino's gaze left his hand and were drawn to the tall figure standing awkwardly in the doorway of the kitchen where Feliciano had left him. 

"Who the hell is this?" Snapped Lovino, casting a glare over at Feliciano. 

"This is that German friend" Feliciano explained sheepishly. "The one I told you about" 

And just like that, all hell broke loose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Authors Note:  
So this chapter was a bit longer than I expected it to be! But it is finished! I'll be getting to work on chapter 3 soon, I really hope you're enjoying the story so far! Let me know how you feel in the comments! -Red 💥
> 
> Word count: 5080


	3. Chapter 3

Many things seemed to all happen at once.

First, Feliciano introduced him. Second, Lovino's face twisted with a rage that could only be described as 'uniquely infuriated'. Third, before the boy's Grandfather could stop him, Lovino was on his feet and gripping the collar of Feliciano's button up shirt and immediately began shouting. 

"WHAT THE HELL WHERE YOU THINKING BRINGING THIS- THIS NAZI BASTARD INTO OUR HOUSE?!" 

Lovino's shout echoed through the small kitchen, and immediately sharp throb of pain rocketed through both Ludwig's head and his heart. Nazi. He hated that word. It was a word that had been many things throughout his life. In the beginning, a cloak of honor, a proud title to carry on your arm in the form of a red band. Now, the word was a curse. A terrible label slapped on him by more than just Lovino. Each time he was branded with that word he could feel his skin crawl and shame form a deep, dark wretched pit deep inside himself. A pit he often stood on the edge of and contemplated jumping off of. He hated that word..but he could not deny its use in relation to him. Silently, and without protest, Ludwig looked away from Lovino. Something his younger self would have spit on him for. He knew why he deserved that word..and as such he held no anger at its use. However, despite Ludwig's calm acceptance, Feliciano was not to be so easily silenced. 

"For once in your life Lovino, will you shut your mouth!" Feliciano gripped his brothers wrist and pried it away from his shirt collar, the Italian had enough of his brothers constant anger, and he was going to say something about it. "How could you say that about someone you don't even know? What has this man ever done to deserve you label him something so terrible? you know as well as I do that just because you live somewhere doesn't mean you agree with what it's leaders are doing! Our country was on the wrong side of the war, same as his! So for once in your life could you please, just maybe think about somebody else before you open your big fat mouth!" 

"Why you Little-- How can you even defend him after what his kind did? Honestly Feliciano you can't be--"

"SHUT UP THE BOTH OF YOU!" 

All eyes in the room looked over at the tired old man who had shouted. Roma's patience was growing thin, he loved his grandsons. Deeply and truly he loved them, but their constant bickering weighed heavy on him and he would not stand for any more of the nonsense. 

"Lovino, Go take a walk, I don't care where you go, but you need to go and clear your head. Feliciano you and me will speak in the other room, If either of you protest I will wallop the both of you so hard your great grandchildren will feel the sting on their arse, 25 years old or not , Do I make myself clear?" 

Ludwig's eyes flicked between all three men in the room, Lovnio looked even more infuriated at his grandfather's words but the threat must have been enough to keep his lips sealed. Feliciano turned away from his brother, crossing his arms over his chest in childish recognition of his grandfathers instruction. He was honestly impressed how easily the man was able to get them to discontinue their bickering. With a curse in Italian Lovino stormed towards the door, shoving his shoulder firmly into Ludwig's on his way out of the kitchen. They only heard the slam of the front door that left the two Italians and Ludwig hanging in the tense atmosphere. Ludwig stood in the doorway, not sure what do do with himself he glanced between the man and Feliciano. Waiting to be told to leave. 

Roma ran a hand through his thick, grey-streaked brown hair, he looked at Ludwig after a moment of contemplation, and relaxed his face into that of apology. 

"I am sorry for my grandsons" He apologized in a terse voice, "They have no sense of manners, I truly and deeply apologize for them. If you'd be so kind, Please take a seat while I talk with this one out in the living room for a moment." 

So it must be that all Italians were this surprising. 

Ludwig was unsure of what to do in this situation...he felt like an intruder, and after Lovino's reaction he assumed that he was by no means welcome. Even so, the man hadn't told him to leave. He looked at Feliciano for only a moment before he nodded slowly. "It's alright...no need to apologize" He reassured as he lowered himself into a chair at the kitchen table. He didn't say anything else out of fear of overstepping his boundaries, and so, once he was seated Roma nodded. 

"We will only be a moment." 

Roma took Feliciano by the shoulders and steered him out of the kitchen, and out of ear shot, leaving Ludwig alone in the kitchen of a small Italian farmhouse. 

Sighing quietly, Ludwig slumped his shoulders slightly. Just enough to ease some of the tense pain that stretched from his upper back into his neck and, by extension, his head. Now that he was alone, he dipped his hand into his pocket to retrieve the small paper bag he'd received at the pharmacy. Carefully, he extracted the small glass bottle from it and tipped out a small white tablet that would offer him relief from the aching in his head and shoulders. Ignoring what the woman had said, he put a capsule in his mouth and chewed. Trying his best to ignore the bitter flavor, he choked down the powder and closed his eyes for a moment as he waited for the medicine to take effect. This was a process that Ludwig was all too familiar with at this point. It was grossly unpleasant but it got him relief faster, and that is what he needed. After a moment or two of trying to work through the taste along with the throbbing at the base of his skull he slowly re-opened his eyes. The pain should relent soon enough. In the meantime, Ludwig listened closely, trying to pick out words from the conversation happening in the other room but the walls seemed to be to thick to allow that..so Ludwig settled on patiently waiting. 

Luckily, he didn't have to wait long. Within the next few minutes Feliciano and his grandfather re-entered the kitchen, Feliciano looked calmer now. His Grandfather must have said something to reassure him, regardless Ludwig was glad that he seemed to be in less distress. 

Walking over to him, Feliciano sheepishly smiled. "I'm really sorry that you had to see all of that.." 

"It's alright, My own brother was... 'spirited' as well" Ludwig reassured. He too knew the embarrassment of having to clean up after a brothers temper, and so he didn't hold it against Feliciano. 

The Italian relaxed, looking like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders as his smile went from nervous to beaming. "Oh thank goodness I was worried that he was going to really mess things up! It wouldn't have been the first time.." He sighed a little but quickly shook his head to rid himself of the thoughts. "Anyhow, I've got some work to do out in the vineyard, but I promise that it won't take long! and as soon as I'm done with it I can get started on lunch." 

Feliciano spoke quickly, but by now Ludwig was having an easier time of understanding and processing the others words. He risked a glance over at Feliciano's Grandfather who, after depositing his grandson in front of the German in his kitchen, went to sit at the kitchen table. He couldn't quite remember his name, but he didn't seem to have any sort of malice aimed towards himself..in all honesty the man just looked tired. Feliciano must have caught his expression because he reached out and touched his bicep and urged him towards the front door, wearing an expression that read; 'Don't worry about it'. Taking his cue Ludwig nodded stiffly and let himself be guided out the farmhouse door. He could soundly say that this wasn't what he'd been expecting when Feliciano asked him in the Pharmacy to join him for a home cooked meal. However, he couldn't find any reason to complain. If not for Feliciano he would have been home alone eating whatever left-overs he could scrounge from the ration he'd received that week, and so he didn't mind the strangeness. 

He followed Feliciano's lead out into the Vineyard. Yet another fact Ludwig could add to the list of surprising things he had found out about Feliciano. He was a viticulturist. Ludwig felt a little bit strange to be out in an orchard like this. He hadn't been on a farm in years, not since he was much younger. The country air and stunning view of the fields beyond soothed his nerves a little and he would almost go so far as to say that it reminded him of home. 

"You Don't have to work." Feliciano reassured as he lead him out to a spot in the Vineyard that already had a bucket and sheers on the ground. Ludwig wondered if this had been where Lovino had received the hand wound, though he thought it best not to ask for the time being. Feliciano continued, "It's just that we're already behind schedule because we lost a farm hand and so me and Lovino have to make up for the lost work by working on the weekend and I have to get at least this row done so that way we can continue on schedule." 

"Then If you don't mind I will keep you company." 

Feliciano grinned, his head bobbing excitedly. "Of course I don't mind!"

Together, they sat down on the grassy floor of the vineyard and Feliciano brandished the previously forgotten garden tools like a sword. Immediately set to work on trimming off bushels of grapes and setting them in the bucket at his side. Ludwig watched, fascinated by the near-mechanical movements of his arm. He'd taken Feliciano for someone who was aloof, light and not a fan of hard work..but seeing that the other could seamlessly performed the task was enough to make him think that maybe Feliciano had more layers then it would seem at first. He felt a little guilty at just sitting and not doing anything to contribute..the man was going to make him food after all, and it wasn't in Ludwig's nature to stand by and let others do the work. so tentatively he asked;

"Can I help?" 

This made the rhythmic snips pause for a moment, while Feliciano looked over at him, shaking his head. "No! No I can't ask that of you. Your a guest! A guest shouldn't have to work." 

"But I want to help, really it is no trouble, I'm good with my hands, and besides, we will get it done faster if I offer my aid." 

His words made Feliciano chew on his lip for a moment, a look of contemplation crossing over his face as a variety of things were considered in his mind. In the end, Feliciano decided that a little bit of help wouldn't hurt.

"...ok, but you have to be careful. Grandpa will kill me if you hurt yourself on accident or something, so you have to be careful." 

Ludwig had to quell a smile, careful was what he was best at. "Of course, just tell me what to do." 

Ludwig took garden shears in hand. Carefully, Feliciano instructed him on how to snip the bunch off of the vine without hurting the plant or the fruit. Guiding his unrefined hands with gentle touches and easy explanations. Ludwig came to find that Feliciano was an excellent teacher, and soon enough he too began the process of snipping vines and placing the grapes in buckets. 

"Your good at this." Feliciano praised, making Ludwig shrugs his shoulders slightly. 

"Your a good teacher." 

Feliciano shook his head, "No No, it is easy and you are a fast learner. It took me ages to figure out how to do it right, I always felt like I was failing because Lovino always seemed to pick up on it quicker than I could." He explained, "We've both been doing this since we were young, but that doesn't really matter anymore." Feliciano paused a moment and sighed, a slight pained expression crossing his features. "..You know, Lovino isn't always like this...He's grumpy a lot, sure, but he usually isn't as cruel as he's been lately. I think something is wrong but when I ask he only shuts my questions down..I'm not really sure what to do." He then seemed to realize he'd been rambling, because he shook his head quickly, "Why am I telling you this, it's not your drama to deal with..forgive me, I always tend to over share." Feliciano cast Ludwig an apologetic glance. 

Ludwig responded with an expression of sympathy, he knew what it was like when a sibling closed themselves off from others. It was strange, even though he had just barely met this Italian out of a mishap, he couldn't help but feel like Feliciano may understand somewhat of how he'd felt. They may have more in common then Ludwig would have thought. 

"I understand." He began, "I had an older brother too..he was pigheaded and impulsive but he meant alot to me." What was he doing? Why was he sharing this? Ludwig didn't know but he couldn't seem to stop the words coming from his lips. "Often, he would get himself into trouble and I would be left to deal with whatever chaos he had caused, I was often angry with him..and him with me..but at the end of the day..he was there for me. Families give you a connection that is very important..and even though your brother seems to be having issues now I am sure that he will come around so try not to worry too much." 

Ludwig looked away, trying to hide the slowly rising pink of his cheeks from Feliciano's prying eyes. He was never this open with anyone. The concept in and of itself was strange to him, but there was something about Feliciano that made him want to spill everything. Every secret, every dark, painful memory he had. He wanted to let all of it go to this..to this stranger. Ludwig was surprised at himself, he hadn't realized how much he had missed companionship. A small grin crossed over Feliciano's face, though it was not one of mocking or ill-intent. It was kind hearted and thankful. 

"I think you are right." He said, "I'm sure that Lovino will come around, thank you Ludwig." 

This only turned Ludwig's ears red. 

"No problem." 

Now that Ludwig's headache was starting to let up, he found carrying conversation with Feliciano to come much easier than it had earlier. It also helped that just being around him made a sense of ease wash over his tired shoulders. They talked about light hearted things. The weather, what they would eat for lunch. Ludwig felt at ease with the world, his hands were busy and he was having a conversation about something that had nothing to do with his country of origin. They worked through most of the work in what felt like a blink of an eye, Feliciano even let him sample a few of the grapes. Feliciano's bubbling laughter chimed through the air after Ludwig tried a particularly sour grape that made his face pinch up. After swallowing hard and trying to cleanse the taste from his mouth by smacking his lips, he turned to his Italian counterpart who was still giggling away with his hand over his mouth to stifle the giggles and he opened his mouth to scold the other for laughing but something made him pause. 

In that singular moment, time seemed to slow. The sunlight filtering off of the green leaves slid off of Feliciano's light auburn hair like honey, the way his gentle tone laughter seemed to bounce off of the greenery around them and his eyes... those eyes of his seemed to reflect a million hues, to redefine what 'brown' was. They reminded Ludwig of autumn leaves and freshly upturned earth in the summer. They were light and dark all at once and it left Ludwig feeling spellbound, he didn't realize that he'd been staring until Feliciano wiped away tears of laughter from his eyes and his laughing has slowed to only chuckles. Ludwig cleared his throat and quickly averted his gaze, hoping the other hadn't caught the star-struck expression he had been wearing. He was unsure of what he was feeling, conflicted between being scared of this new found awareness and reviling in the warmth it made him feel. It was overwhelming and Ludwig struggled to catch his breath. He was unaware of the fact that Feliciano was trying to speak to him, until he felt a hand touching his arm. 

"Ludwig? are you alright?" 

Feliciano's touch and soft voice pulled him out of his own head. He cleared his throat quickly and willed away the oppressive thoughts. He had to keep himself together. "Ja- I mean, yes..I'm alright, Just lost in thought for a moment is all." Ludwig hated how tense his voice had sounded, wishing to sound more sure of himself. 

Feliciano only grinned, not yet taking his hand away from his arm. "What were you thinking about?" 

"Nothing important." Ludwig could tell that despite the content of his words, how quick he'd been to shoot down the question made it obvious he was embarrassed, he had to resist the urge to cringe. Feliciano lifted an eyebrow, disbelievingly but didn't press for more information. 

"If you say so," slipping the sheers into his back pocket and gripping ahold of the buckets handle, Feliciano rose to his feet. "come on, let's take this to the distillery and we can head inside for lunch." 

Ludwig followed his lead and took hold of his own bucket, embarrassed by his previous thoughts to speak much more as they walked together to the medium sized structure just on the outside of the vineyard. Determined to keep his mind off of Feliciano, he focused on examining the building. It was larger than the farm house, but not as large as the factory that Ludwig was accustomed too. It appeared to have been built by hand out of stone with a shingled roof that had an overhang that was just a little excessive. The mortar was aged and stained and the bricks were varying shades of grey, and the building was fronted by a large oak door in which Feliciano had to lean into with his full weight to open and hold open so Ludwig could walk into it. 

"This is where the magic happens." He said cheerily, letting the door fall shut behind him as he skipped over to a large basin that was already brimming with harvested grapes. "Technically I shouldn't even let you in here but something tells me that you wont run off and tell anyone how we make our wine."

This made Ludwig chuckle as he followed Feliciano to the vat to deposit the contents of his own bucket. "Yes, No worries. I wouldn't be able to tell you what any of these machines do so I think your secret is safe." 

"Good to know, My grandpa is super protective of the way we make the wine so it's top secret for anyone but employee's" Feliciano explained, directing Ludwig back to the door once they had put the buckets away. Ludwig nodded in understanding, his grandfather had been the same way about many of the recipes he'd passed on to Ludwig. 

Together, they walked back to the house. When they returned, Feliciano's grandfather was no longer seated at the table, nor was he in the living room. This made Feliciano frown a little but he didn't seem too alarmed, instead he only set to work making lunch while Ludwig sat at the kitchen table for the second time that day. Feliciano put a saucepan on the stove and went about gathering ingredients. They sat in a comfortable silence for a while, not feeling much of a need to start a conversation, Ludwig settled for letting his mind wander a little bit, not really focusing on one thing in particular but instead just relaxing. It didn't take Feliciano long to prepare their lunch. Ludwig's mouth watered a little at the smell, just from the aroma he could tell that Felicano was a good cook, and it had been a long time since somebody else had cooked for him. He felt a little bit spoiled. 

Humming happily, Feliciano placed a plate of steamed vegetables in front of him. The aroma coming off of it was heady, like crisp garden vegetables with a hint of italian spice. Ludwig was not a picky man, especially when the food had been made for him by someone else. "Thank you for the meal." Ludwig said as Feliciano sat down across from him at the table. Feliciano only smiled and picked up a fork.

"Don't thank me, I love to cook. It's even better when I've got someone else to share it with. So go on, dig in." 

Ludwig picked up his own fork, he could tell that Feliciano's eyes were on him and it made sense of awkwardness fill up the collar of his shirt. It had been ages since he'd eaten with someone else, and it was like every single manner he had now mattered even though deep down he knew that it didn't. Before he made himself look even more strange, he finally just took a bite. Ludwig was not disappointed, the vegetables were crisp, there was a little bit of olive oil and seasoning that Ludwig couldn't remember the name of and all of the flavors blended beautifully. he had been right, Feliciano was a good cook. 

"Well? What Do you think?" Feliciano asked eagerly, still not even having taken a bite of his own yet. 

"Ser Gut" he responded, "It is very good, you are a talented chef Feliciano." 

Feliciano beamed, cooking was a passion and one that he took pride in. "That makes me happy to hear you say that! Now I'm going to cook you food all the time!" 

Ludwig chuckled, "I would like that very much Feliciano" 

They ate lunch in peace, easy banner flowing between them like water. Ludwig could get use to this having a friend thing. However, his mind drifted to thoughts of that moment in the vineyard. When time had slowed and he had seen Feliciano in a way he didn't think he could have. The thought made him uneasy. Feliciano was his friend, thoughts like the ones he had were not things to be thought about a friend. Not only that, but also the fact that this was only the second time him and Feliciano had talked together. Those thoughts....they were overwhelming, and Ludwig feared that they may lead to something bad. Something Irreversible. So, he resolved to take those thoughts and bury them. They may exist but he need not act on them. He would ignore them and him and Feliciano would be friends, that was final. 

After lunch, Ludwig took his leave. He wanted to stay longer, but he feared that he would be a burden to Feliciano or his grandfather if he overstayed his welcome. So, despite Feliciano's protest, Ludwig began the trek back to his home. He hadn't expected today to have gone the way it did, but he was thankful for it nonetheless. As he arrived home, he found himself feeling thankful that, maybe, just maybe, things would start to change for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that concludes chapter three! I'll be hard at work on chapter four as soon as I am able too! I know that things seem a little bit slow right now but things will start picking up here pretty soon so stick around! If your enjoying the story be sure to leave a like or a comment, I love hearing back from you guys. Anyway, stay tuned for the next chapter!   
-Red 💥


	4. Chapter 4

**October 16th, 1946**

**Ardea, Italy**

_He heard it before he saw anything. It was a sound that was utterly unmistakable and would be ingrained into his mind until the day he died. The unequivocal whistle of an American p-51 Mustang pulling up from a steep dive, it was a sound that recognized, and had learned to fear. _

_" Come in Schwartz leader! This is Schwartz Two, we've been surrounded! It's the Americans, looks like a damn fighter sweep!"_

_Ludwig cursed under his breath, this was the last thing they needed._

_"I copy, A and C- stand withhold defensive position, B-stand provide cover fire! Watch your six, these Americans are fast. We've got to gain altitude, hold positions and evade." _

_"Copy that."_

_Ludwig drew in a deep breath, he needed to think. The Mustangs were fast, well equipped, but they couldn't handle high altitude fights. If he could get his team up high enough they would have the advantage. Kicking his rudder to the right he pulled into a tight turn, he needed to get the enemy within sight. From his current position he could see about five of the enemy aircraft but he knew better. American's never traveled that light. Something was off, this was different. All the hair on the back of his neck was standing on end and his muscles were all locked, he had to force himself to breath, to try to keep his thoughts straight however, gunfire broke his concentration. The crackling of the browning machine guns created a storm around him. He gripped the plane controls and jerked sharply upwards, trying to stay out of the line of fire. _

_"Schwartz leader, p-38 coming in at four o'clock, they're trying to take down our bomber!" _

_Ludwig glanced to his right, he was right. Out of seemingly no-where a p-38 lightning had dropped from the clouds, flanked by three more Mustangs. This was not good, they were outnumbered by at least four planes and to make matters worse the majority of his crew had never even fought against the American's before, he had to do something and fast, otherwise things were going to get much worse. "Gain height! and keep moving Don't let them get a lock on you. C-stand break off and provide defense! Do not let them land a hit!" _

_Steadily, they gained altitude. Ludwig tried to swallow the lump in his throat. There were too many of them, his team was too inexperienced. He needed to get on the mustangs tail, if he could pick off a few of the defense they could take down that damn 38. Breaking formation, Ludwig made a hard left turn and dipped downwards, performing a sharp speed decrease in order to get a lock on the enemy aircraft. He held his breath and fired a myriad of shots, but the mustang dipped sharply and avoided his attack. From his right, a barrage of shots flew past him just barley missing his propeller making him turn sharply to avoid being fired at a second time. He turned his head sharply, damn these bastards were everywhere he couldn't land a hit on one while evading the fire of the others. He jerked upwards and fell back. His hands began to shake and his blood was roaring in his ears. He couldn't seem to get his breath under control and it was making him feel lightheaded. They were overwhelmed, he'd never been so hopelessly cut off like this before. They had to get out of here._

_"Take evasive Maneuvers! disengage and get them off your tail!"_

_The deafening crack of gunfire meeting metal split through the air and without warning the back end of the Condor they were escorting burst into a plume of flame and smoke. Ludwig was helpless to watch as the plane spun out of control towards the ground miles below them. _

_"The condor's been hit! I repeat, The condor's been hit!"_

_"Break! It's too late now to try to salvage, Focus on your own tail." Ludwig shouted into the coms, he needed to save the rest of his team and right now the only way that was going to happen is if they were able to shake off the remaining mustangs. He hoped that, even if this meant defeat, that the Americans would fall back now that their mission had been accomplished, however that didn't seem to be the case. Ludwig's heart leapt into his throat as a mustang dropped in on his tail, he forced his shaking hands to maneuver down into a steep dive. He had to keep moving, he couldn't let them get a lock. Mustangs may be fast, but Ludwig was cleaver. He hadn't reached his rank for no reason. He pulled out of the dive just as the American dropped down to meet him. This gave Ludwig the opportunity to roll and jerk upwards, the sudden motion made a sharp pain shoot through his shoulders and neck but the didn't have time to focus on that now, instead he forced his eyes to focus as he gained a lock on the Mustang and fired. A direct hit. Smoke sputtered out of the right side of the mustangs cockpit and the plane drew back, a small victory, but enough to refocus him. _

_"They're everywhere! What are we going to do!"_

_"I can't shake them!"_

_"Shit, were so screwed!"_

_"Keep the coms clear!" Ludwig snapped, he would not have his men behaving like frightened children. Even of the odds were beyond terrifying, they were Germans, Germans Fight with pride. "Pull yourselves together and stay focused--" Before he could finish, two Mustangs descended from nowhere. firing haphazardly into the airspace. _

_"I'm hit!" _

_"Stay calm! Try to-- Get out of there! Pull back! Evasive Maneuvers!" _

_"I can't my rudder--Ah! I'm Taking heavy fire!" _

_"Shwatrz three, try to provide cover!" _

_"I can't they've got me flanked!" _

_"Hold on!' Ludwig turned into a quick roll, he was determined to save what he had left of his team. He dropped in from above, aiming and locking onto the Mustang-- but it was too late. The plane erupted into a ball of fire and dropped like a stone thrown from a bridge, just as quickly heavy artillery slammed into his left side. The cockpit jerked and shuddered, he began to lose altitude nearly as fast as his teammate had. Sirens began to blare, making his ears ring and his head pound. He tried desperately to pull up but it was of no use, he was headed towards the ground, and headed there fast. He tried to even himself out, attempting an emergency landing but his hands were shaking and he couldn't hear himself think over that damned siren. He was going down fast, he needed to prep for an emergency landing, his body tensed, bracing for impact---_

Ludwig bolted upright in bed, sweat dripping down his face in rivulets. His head was throbbing, like someone had reached through his back and decided to squeeze the nerves of his spine as hard as they could before relenting for only a moment before starting back up again. It was always the same, a blinding agony that came in pulses that traveled from the base of his neck up through his skull and down to his shoulders. It made him want to scream and cry but also to sit perfectly still and do nothing all at once. Pushing past the throbbing of his head, He forced himself to blink away the moisture in his eyes. His breathing was labored as his gaze darted around the room, desperately trying to get his bearings. He was terrified he would see the smoke and the fire, or the miles and miles of trees surrounding him..but no. He was at home. In bed. The blanket wrapped this way and that around his body, evidence of the thrashing that had taken place just before he had awoke. Ludwig closed his eyes, trying to calm the rising wave of distress that filled his throat like a thick black tar, choking him until he found it impossible to breathe. He attempted to remember what the doctor had told him..something..something about tasting something? In the tumultuous chaos that plagued his thought process he couldn't remember, he was in too much pain to think properly. Without realizing exactly what he was doing he took a mental inventory of his limbs, fighting through the fog of pain to make sure the rest of his body was intact. Arms, legs.. hands, fingers, all of him was shaking, rattling like glass cups in the middle of an earthquake but it was there, he could feel it..and that was enough. He tried to calm the tremors but it was a futile battle, he was the earthquake, he just had to wait for it to pass. Slowly, Ludwig forced himself to breath, forcing himself to realize that he was fine. That he was at home. That he was safe. Slowly, he opened his eyes. 

No light filtered through the curtains, it still must be in the early morning hours, too early for even the sun to be out. To confirm, he glanced over at the clock sitting on his nightstand. It read '2:38'.

Sighing, Ludwig ran a still quaking hand through his sweat-damp hair. There was no way he was going to be able to go back to sleep. No amount of water or rolling over could subdue the images that were engraved now in his mind, this was something that Ludwig had gotten used to. Nightmares were a common staple to his morning routine, though they weren't always as vivid as the one he'd had today. Today was going to be rough, he could already tell. He closed his eyes for just a moment more, soaking up the silence of the world during the early hours. It was the most comforting thing to hear nothing at all. At least for Ludwig, however this peace was short lived. The pain behind his eyes was growing too insistent to be forcefully ignored any longer. On unsteady legs, Ludwig brought himself to his feet. Bringing a hand up to massage the tension in his neck the best he could as he ambled from his bed to the small bathroom. Without turning on the light, his hands found the pill bottle sitting on the sink. 

He hated the pills. or, more accurately, he hated his reliance on them. Ludwig had never been the type to depend so heavily on something like medication or drink, but it felt like he couldn't function without them, and it wasn't for lack of trying. When the doctor had first prescribed them he refused to take them for nearly two months..but as time wore on the pain grew worse and he couldn't fight it anymore. Now he found himself taking at least one a day. He hated it, but he couldn't find another way around it. 

Begrudgingly, he swallowed the bitter tablet with help from a bit of water from the faucet.

Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he resolved to get himself something to eat. If he wasn't going back to sleep he might as well do something mildly productive with the extra time that he had. If only his grandfather could see him now...making breakfast at three o'clock in the morning, he was sure that would make him laugh. With thoughts of his grandfather he found himself feeling a different kind of ache from that of his head. An ache that couldn't be soothed by pills. An ache that left him feeling hollow and left him grasping at straws to fill the empty space in his chest. This ache was also a feeling he'd familiarized himself with and did his best to turn cheek too. He settled on distraction, not that it was hard. He made himself busy by gathering bread, meat and cheese for his breakfast, a simple German breakfast that reminded him of home. He sat down at the table after assembling his meal and ate it in the dark. 

For the rest of that morning, Ludwig found other things to keep him busy. As his headache was diluted by the medication it allowed him to read a little as well as to get in a few morning exercises. He passed the hours as productively as a person could at the earliest hours in the day. Until eventually, it was time for him to dress in his work clothes and head off to earn his keep, the dull pulsating of his headache still prominent but not crippling. Though something kept him on edge. Something about the air of that morning didn't sit right with him, but he wasn't a superstitious man so instead he wrote the feeling off and stepped out as the first rays of light crept over the hill for that morning. It was time to start the day.

~~~

Ludwig wiped the sweat from his brow. The factory was sweltering, the machinery and sheer number of people in one room more than made up for the fact that the air was starting to grow colder outside. The heat made rivers of sweat form on the back of his neck and made his clothes sticky and uncomfortable. On most days Ludwig would have not paid attention to this fact. He was good at tuning out small inconveniences and it was unlike him to be so bothered but the temperature. However, today he seemed to be hyper aware of anything and everything around him. The loud screech and whine of metal against metal. The mind numbing heat of the factory room. Even, and most especially the sharp, unrelenting throb that pulsated through his neck and shoulders with each breath he took. The relief he'd been granted earlier this morning had long since worn off and at nearly one o'clock in the afternoon each time the sound of a metal joint locking into place cracked through his head and made a fresh wave of agony wash over him like a tsunami. It was hard for him to keep his eyes open, everything seemed too bright. His shoulders were tense and anxiety rose in his throat like bile. It was a struggle to focus on his task, despite its ease. He paused for a moment, closing his eyes and rubbing his eyes with the pads of his fingers. Pain thumped through his bones to the beat of his heart, it made him feel dizzy. Everything was just too much. The pain, the noise, the brightness, all of it. It all echoed around his head like the bang of a gong and Ludwig just wanted it all to stop but he couldn't get away-- It was becoming hard to breathe, did the walls always seem this close? 

Suddenly the shrill sound of metal crashing into metal tore through the air. Every nerve in Ludwig's body tensed, preparing for the split second moment when he would need to run or to fight. He was in the middle of it again. His thoughts began to race until he couldn't keep track of them. They rushed through his head and trying to keep ahold of them felt like trying to catch smoke. His heart began to pound as hard as his head had been, the room began to spin. Flashes of memories struck like lightning. A siren. gunshots. fire. smoke. allies crying out over the radio. Then he was no longer in the factory, he was in the cockpit of a plane trying desperately to hold altitude on a failing engines power. He couldn't think. Couldn't breathe, it was too much-- he needed to find a way out. He screwed his eyes shut trying to make it all slow down--He needed to get out of the cockpit-- he needed to leave but his brain wouldn't make his legs move the right way, he stumbled back and suddenly he was falling. Pain rocketed through his lower back as his body made contact with the floor, his entire body went numb, he couldn't move-- than-- hands. Hands--on his arms, on his legs, trying to sit him upright. voices-- Russian? - peoples voices- his name? He threw the hands off of him-- thrashing and punching, he couldn't let them take him-- he wouldn't make it back if he did. He had to make it back, he had to stay alive---

A fresh bolt of pain seared across his face, a slap..or maybe a punch? 

"Beilschmidt! What the hell is wrong with you!?" 

A familiar voice?

He slowly re-opened his eyes. 

He was surrounded by men..but to his surprise they weren't dressed in soviet uniforms...there was no snow or ice blanketing the ground. Instead the air was hot and sweat soaked through the back of his shirt and made it cling unpleasantly to his body. He looked around, he was in a factory-- these men where.. Who were these men? His eyes struggled to focus, he felt himself speaking but he couldn't tell what he was saying, why were all his thoughts so fuzzy? 

Then it all came back. Factory. Job. Coworkers. That's who these men were-- they were his co workers. 

"Answer me dammit!" 

Ludwig glanced blearily over over towards the sound of the voice. It's source was his boss. A short round faced man who had his arms crossed over his chest an expression that looked less than pleased. oh god. oh no. an episode. he'd had another episode. In the middle of work. 

Shame turned his face a deep red color. This was humiliating, he had just made a complete fool of himself in front of the entire factory. He tried to sit up, trying to get on his feet as fast as he could to maybe retain some dignity, but his limbs didn't seem to want to work right and the pain behind his eyes had amplified by ten. On bended knee he tried to answer. "S-sir I'm so sorry-- I-" He didn't know how to explain. "I've got--a medical issue-- It won't happen again--" 

"Damn right it won't. Get out of my factory! If you are so frightened of a piston hitting the ground that you harm your fellow coworkers you have no place here-- out with you! I should have known better than to hand a job out to a damn German!" 

No. No. No no no this couldn't be happening-- harm? he'd hurt someone? He looked around. A younger man, around either nineteen or twenty was holding his nose as thick red blood slipped between his fingers. He must have hit him while he was thrashing.. oh god..what had he just done? Damn it. Damn it. Damn it all! He couldn't lose this job—it had been hard enough to get one in the first place and without it he'd starve, but what else could he do? He had, simply put, fucked himself. 

Ludwigs mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water, no counter argument could be found when he tried to find one. 

"Out of my Factory!" 

Before Ludwig could find something else to say, he was being hauled to his feet, and being dragged out of the room. He couldn't even bring himself to fight it. Shock overtaking his anger. Was this really happening? It all suddenly felt like a fever dream, like it was another of his nightmares that he couldn't wake up from. 

As the anger and shock faded into numbness, he found himself being tossed out onto the cobblestone pathway, his palms scraping against the texture of it and successfully tearing open previously formed callouses, however he barely even felt it. No, there was no time to feel pain. What was he supposed to do? This was it. This was the lowest point he could have reached. What would his grandfather say if he could see him now? Hell, what would his brother say? Seeing Ludwig like this, scraping by on scraps like a dog waiting under the legs of a dinner table, barely getting by day to day. Living a life that, not too long ago, he himself has scoffed at. Pathetic. It was disgraceful. All he had going for him was his work ethic and now even that was gone. No job, No Money. No money, no rations. No money, No rent. No Mone-- 

Two small drops of water fell onto his shaking hands. 

His eyes widened, and he stared at those droplets, before he could realize it more of the beads of water dripped slowly in a rhythm onto the backs of his trembling hands. Had it, on top of everything else on this god forsaken day, began to rain? He looked up and there was not a cloud in the sky...no rain so that could only mean... He brought a hand to his face. Touching his fingertips to his cheeks he felt...Moisture..? He was..he was crying? Ludwig let out a bark of bitter laughter. He had no right to cry. Not now. Not after the things he'd done. Though as it was, it didn't seem like he had much choice in the matter. As the tears collected into rivulets, the brief numbness he'd felt melted away just as quickly as it had begun, and twisted into a cruel, unforgiving pain that wrenched itself deep in his stomach. His empty, broken laughter morphed into mournful sobs, the tears began to multiply. One after the other, hot trails of salt water scorched down his cheeks as his broken sobs made his chin quiver like a helpless child. Shame washed over him in waves as he sat in the street, curling into himself and shielding his face with his hands as the wall he'd put up around his feelings finally burst. Everything. Every single painful memory scattered around him like raindrops on pavement. Each individual load he had bared for the past two years all spilled out at once and collected into a puddle of grief that submerged him in a sea of agony. Grief, pain, sadness......but worst of all this terrible terrible ache in his chest. It was a misery that stretched back to the very beginning. Before all of it. Before the war, before he lost everything. This endless misery he couldn't ever seem to escape was hurt of the worst variety. 

Pure, Undiluted, Loneliness. 

He sobbed into his hands for what, logically he knew was only minutes, but in the moment felt like hours. His chest heaved as he tried to suck in deep shuddering breaths. He felt as if something inside himself was twisting and writhing. Like it was the death of something that had been held within him, but at the same time he felt an empty sense of relief. As he was able to regain stability, A different train of thoughts filled his head. 

Oh what a sight he was to see. Him, The pinnacle of German pride, proud soldier and perfect role model, down on hands and knees in the middle of the street. Jobless, hopeless and crying like a child. Pathetic. What had he become? Ludwig firmly shook his head, swiping across his moistened eyes with the back of his sleeve. Enough of this foolishness. He may have lost his pride but he'd be damned if he let himself feel an ounce of self pity. No. No he still had enough dignity to retain that much. At least no one had seen him, He'd had his tantrum and now it was time to stand up and brush off the mud. His head was a little more clear now that he'd dispelled the worst of it...now all he had to do was think of what to do ne--

"Ludwig...?" 

A familiar voice broke through his train of thought, and a fresh wave of shame washed over him as he slowly turned to look up and see none other than Feliciano Vargas looking down at his tear-stained face with a basket of cherry red tomatoes tucked into his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Authors Notes;  
So! That's the end of Chapter four! First of all I want to Apologize for my lack of schedule with posting but unfortunately I cannot say that it will improve due to the fact that my muse is a rather finicky fellow and will not cooperate with what I want to write and when! But anyway, I hope your enjoying Einsamkeit so far, I'm really trying to portray the fact that even though Ludwig is the tough one, that even he isn't bullet proof. I think too many fics for the Gerita Community don't touch enough onto the fact that Ludwig has emotions even if he buries them. Truthfully he is one of my favorite fictional characters and so I truly hope I'm doing him justice. Thank you all so so much for your comments and support, it means the world to me! Stay tuned for the next chapter! -Red 💥 
> 
> Word Count: 4030

**Author's Note:**

> Please, please, please leave your comments for me to read, I love hearing back from my readers! To answer some questions and provide some insight on where this story will be going I want to just say first that this is regarding the aftermath of WW2, and as such there will be some sensitve content in the future, My goal is to provide a historically acurate and entertaining story for you all to read and I will be doing my best to ensure that all of the content in this fic is handled as respectfully as possible, On that note, it is up to you as the reader to make sure to head any warnings I put on the chapters to ensure that no one is upset. Worry not however, This is only a quick disclaimer and I have no intention of making this story unpleasant to read. Thank you so much for starting on this journey with me! I do not own Hetalia or any of it's characters, and I hope that you all have good times and sick rhymes.  
— Red 💥


End file.
